Children of the Corn Meets the Shining

Podgorica is often referred to as ‘Europe’s most boring capital city.’ It is either dismissed or reviled. (For the latter stance, I recommend this blog post, which is too harsh, but it is a fun read.) So why did I voluntarily spend two days there? I shall explain and also justify why Podgorica is actually ok. 

A bit about Podgorica and why I was there

Podgorica was at the end of my Balkans trip. I had started in Ljubljana, gone to Lake Bled, Zagreb, Sarajevo, Mostar, and then Podgorica, from where I would fly home to Vancouver. My plan, when I booked the trip, was to use my time in Podgorica as a base from which to visit coastal and medieval Kotor. But then I arrived in Podgorica and the thought of getting on another bus and traveling in a long day trip AND the thought of visiting somewhere else precious and picturesque just did not appeal.  All the places I had been were so busy with tourists and many of them were so precious, that I just found if off putting. I just wanted to do something more normal and unexciting. Podgorica fill the bill.

The thing about Podgorica is that it was decimated in World War Two. Here and there you can see slivers of history. There are a few blocks of old cobblestones and the barest of ruins of a castle, a clock tower, and a stone footbridge.  Other than that, everything is after the war and it’s not great. There are even far better cities for Soviet modernist architecture. There are no impressive museums, no ornate churches, no notable street art scene, no wonderful parks. Everything it has is fine.

I arrived in Podgorica by bus from Sarajevo. A stunning journey, scenery-wise. I was deposited at the bus station and walked to my hotel: the Hotel Marienplatz. Perhaps not surprisingly at this point, there are no charming or cool accommodations in Podgorica; at least not that I could find. I picked my hotel because it was central, not too expensive, and looked conformable.  After ten days of dorms bed, I was ready for a little comfort. The Marienplatz was on a pedestrian street lined with restaurants and bars and, at night, is absolutely throbbing with music. Fine. I can sleep through anything.

I dropped of my stuff at the hotel and hit the streets.  I spent a day and a half (two nights) in Podgorica. Here is what I did…

The streets around my hotel

Laziness Along the River

There is a river that runs through the centre of the city.  It is fairly shallow and not that wide and has high, steep edges. Various bridges run across and there is a park on either side. From the bridges you can see people swimming and kayaking in the river.  If you were so inclined, you could join them. I was not so inclined, so I wandered around the ruins of the castle and took a picture of some small murals at the foot of a bridge and had a drink at the cutest little tiki bar in the park by the river.  

This tiki bar is so cute; just a little tiki shack in the park with a handful of seats – a couple of them are swings. I sat and had a drink and chatted with the bartender and a young guy celebrating his early 20s birthday. We talked about our lives and about how Montenegro has a reputation for laziness – a stereotype the Montenegrins seem to have embraced. During the time I was there, the annual ‘Laziest Man’ completion was ongoing; an event in which men compete to see who can lie down the longest. The bartender spoke about how he had always been a bartender and the young man, who was going to school in Germany, said he aspired to move to Brazil because they seem to not work that hard. Fascinating.

Near the river is a hotel, the Hotel Podgorica notable for its modernist design by architect Svetlana Kana Radević. I went and had a cigar on the very excellent patio overlooking the river.

High Five

I walked to Blok Five, which is a group of high-rise apartment buildings, now at least party abandoned.  They were designed and built in the 1970s/80s with the goal of creating a perfect community that emphasized community involvement and communal living. The buildings are worth a visit if you like that kind of architecture or if you like creepy feeling abandoned places, or graffiti.  I like all three.

Under the Bridge

I visited a lot of cafes, the best of which was the Itaka Library Bar, which is just under a bridge, by the river. On one side f the structure is a small bookstore (all in languages other than English) and on the other side is a café/bar with some indoor seating, but the real pleasure, was sitting outside, under the bridge and next to a small riverside patch of green.  I went there twice and loved it.  Great spot to smoke cigars.

Cigars in Podgorica

There are a few cigars stores in Podgorica. None were cheap, but all had good selections.  There were no dedicated cigar lounges, but smoking was allowed on every patio. I smoked a ton of cigars during my time in there.

Art

There is an art gallery/museum.  Local artists and a few historic relics.  Really it is shocking that for a capital city – that this tiny museum is the best they came up with – but it was interesting, and it was free, so I am not complaining.  As mentioned previously, there are some murals/street art in Podgorica, but nothing amazing or worth specifically seeking out.

A Glimpse of the Past

There is a small (pocket-sized) historical neighbourhood that someone survived the war and there are a few streets with cobblestones and cute houses with grapes growing. On the edge of the neighbourhood is a clock tower that is the oldest surviving thing in Podgorica and it is…honestly, it is not that interesting, but if you are there, you may as well seek it out.

Two Churches

I walked to the (Catholic) Church of the Holy Heart of Jesus, which is interesting in that it is such a severe concrete, brutalist structure. The walk there is not at all pleasant, as it is just along stretches of highway, but if you are into weird, brutalist structures, as I am, it is worth the walk.

I walked to the beautiful Orthodox Temple of Christ’s Resurrection, which was stunning inside and out – and the walk there was lovely, just across the river and past the tiki bar.  I bought a trinket at the church shop and chatted with the woman working there. She seemed genuinely thankful and surprised that I was visiting Podgorica.

Podgorica after Dark

In the evenings I stayed on and around the pedestrian street where my hotel was.  During the day the streets was quiet and pleasant but at night….wow. It was like an actual party. Every single bar and restaurant was packed. There was live music and karaoke and DJs playing impossibly loud music. The women were so dressed up. Tiny sequined dressed, skin-tight body suits, stiletto heels, cleavage, fully made-up faces and gorgeous. Men were there too. I asked at the hotel if there was something special going on, but they said, no; on the weekends, locals just like to dress up and go out. After a lot of searching, I found a place on a patio and had a cigar and watched the parade.

Is Podgorica worth visiting?

I did all of this in a day and a half.  I walked a lot, exploring to seek out other things of note, but there was not much else worth mentioning.  The nice thing was that I got to sight-see at a leisurely pace. Normally I am moving around at such a fast pace; this was a relaxing change.

Podgorica was warm and sunny.  It was quiet.  There was birdsong and coffee, time for luxuriating on patios, and just being present.  There was no reason to rush anywhere to see things because there was not that much to see. What there was to see was interesting and attractive enough. I had a great time. Would I recommend visiting Podgorica? No. Not at all (unless you are on a quest to visit every capital city in Europe), but if you are there, or if you have the opportunity for a long layover, there is enough to see to make it worthwhile. It might be ‘the most boring capital city in Europe’ but still has redeeming qualities and was a nice way to end my Balkans trip.